New Charlie’s Angels: More Girl Power Than Jiggle-Fest

Charlie’s Angels reboot set in Miami could easily be a straight-up jiggle-fest. Don’t images of Farrah Fawcett’s iconic red, one-piece or Cameron Diaz romping around half naked, sweep through your subconscious as soon as you hear the name Bosley? Not to mention there’s more exposed breasts and thighs on South Beach than there is in a bucket of chicken.

But unlike previous versions, last night’s ABC Charlie’s Angels is much more like producer, Drew Barrymore (which is hard to ignore being that Barrymore’s Cover Girl ads play during commercial breaks) than it is Cameron Diaz. And thank heavens for that.

There’s no filler shots of Kim Kardashian-sized asses in thongs rollerblading down Ocean Drive or any sight of cleavage — all the eye candy that’s needed is tight shots of three actresses’ gorgeous faces.

And although it’s slightly humorous to watch women who can’t weigh more than 110 pounds knocking out men three times their size, it’s also extremely cool to watch an angel reach into her Prada bag and bust out a gat with authority. It’s an hour of 100% girl power, making the recent sexual harassment issue between Charlie’s Angels actress Minka Kelly and an ass-grabby ex-crew member pretty disheartening.

And because one of the show’s creators is Michael Bay, there’s plenty of pretty explosions. But what about the plot? It’s nothing groundbreaking. But then again, it isn’t that bad although this show can easily become formulaic.

One angel, Gloria (Nadine Velazquez) is blown to smitherines in front of fellow angels Abby (Rachael Taylor) and Kate (Annie Ilonzeh) after a bomb goes off in her car. Then Gloria’s sordid past pops open like Pandora’s Box revealing the secret identity of a child sex-slave trafficker that Charlie and his angels are after.

Gloria’s death also introduces the audience, and the angels, to Gloria’s replacement — her closest friend and fellow ex-grand thefter and drag racer, Eve French (Minka Kelly). With the aid of Eve and blatant product placement in the form of a couple of iPads, the girls get the bad guy in the end and all is well in the 305.

But this is not done without at least a little bit of cheese presented dramatically with a few choice lines like “We’re not cops, we’re angels”, “We’re angels, not saints” and our personal fave delivered by the elusive Charlie, “Just remember you’re angels of justice, not angels of vengeance.”

Location-wise, everything does seem to be shot here in Miami. But the Miami that exists in Charlie’s Angels‘ world doesn’t seem to go anywhere south of downtown or anywhere north of South Beach. And although this show is promising and, we’ll admit it, kind of fun, who knows if it’ll get the axe?

There’s a 50/50 chance of future episode including scenes shot in Kendall, Hialeah, Hot Wheels (or whatever it’s called now), a botanica, or your abuelita’s favorite knickknack shop. But will we ever see a Britto? With Michael Bay’s sticky fingers involved, perhaps. So keep your eyes peeled. And we think we just thought of a fun, new drinking game.